Chapter 1 Hollow Dreams Sleep it never worked for me not with the kind of nightmares that came along with dreaming. I had been in Karakura Town for a few weeks now spending time with my uncle. I didn't want to sleep, it's not that I couldn't its that when I fell to sleep I had horrible nightmares of a white man with glowing yellow eyes he always had this demonic laugh whenever he saw my reaction to something he'd do. No matter what I did in order to get sleep I'd see him in my dreams he was waiting, he was always waiting for me, n if you ask me in all honestly that's more creepier then that man that kills you in your sleep see as they say you're in "his world", but this was different this was reality, n unfortunately there was no possible way of escaping that kind of madness, if indeed it was madness. I woke up screaming. Apparently my screaming not only woke up my uncle, but everyone in the shop. Kisuke woke up, n walked up the stairs groggy a red hair boy looked up at him as he watched Kisuke go up stairs "Why does the guest get the special treatment?" "Jinta she's the Boss' niece" Tessai told him, Jinta rolled his dark eyes "I still don't care if she's the lover of carrot top!" "Tessai call the Kurosaki Clinic" Kisuke yelled from upstairs a slender mocha chocolate woman with long purple hair waltzed into the living area "Now what's going now?" She asked Tessai looked at her "Tessai is Yoruichi down there?" "Yes boss" "I don't get it" Jinta said "Go back to bed Jinta" Yoruichi told the red head, he rolled his dark eyes, and stormed off, the woman sighed as the owner of the shop came down the stairs she noticed he was holding his niece in his arms "What the hell happened Kisuke?" She asked him he shrugged "Any luck yet?" He asked Tessai, Tessai gave the phone to Kisuke "Kurosaki Clinic?" "Isshin" "Ah Urahara long time" "Listen it's my niece" "What about her?" "She has one hell of a fever, n a few cuts n bruises," "Ah bring her over I'll have a bed ready for her my friend" Isshin hung up the phone n got his clinic up n running for the newest patient: Kisuke's niece Masaki Urahara. Yoruichi looked at him with a concerned look as he had Ururu help him with what he would need for his neice on the way to the Kurosaki household. "Do you mind telling me what the hell is going on?" Yoruichi asked him, he just looked at her "What are you talking about Yoruichi?" "Ever since your niece came here to live with you. Kisuke something's been different you're not telling me" "Nonsense" 'Now I'll be seeing you again love' I heard I shot up soaked with sweat 6 pair of eyes were looking at me "Ah I see you're up for now" I heard my uncle say "Sleep well?" Since I wasn't much for talking I just shook my head, n looked down noticing the new marks on my body. Meanwhile As Uncle Kisuke was getting me ready for the trip to the clinic, Isshin was getting the Kurosaki Clinic ready for use "Ichigo, Hichigo you boys get your butts in" Two 20 yr old collage students groaned as they both walked into the room used for the clinic see they could be twins only the one named Ichigo was human with bright spiked orange hair with mocha brown eyes whilst the other; Hichigo was a hollow with bleached white spiked hair and golden fiery eyes. Yes I said Hollow you see Hichigo has more than plenty of life energy to live in the world of the living. And by doing so he has made it his job to make the people of Karakura miserable well not all of them, he has a secret only Ichigo knows about this secret. "What's the hurry Dad?" Ichigo asked Isshin, he looked at him "It's Urahara's niece" Hichigo blushed a bit, Ichigo smirked "What about her?" He asked Isshin sighed "She's very sick son, apparently she's been having nightmares to the point it's made her very sick" Suddenly out of nowhere Ichigo smacked his friend hard as humanly possible, Isshin looked at his son, and shook his dark brown almost black head getting the room ready for Urahara's niece to arrive. "I guess what they say at school is true" Ichigo looked at Hichigo "What are you mumbling on about?" He asked the white hair boy "You heard me strawberry top, apparently they say u my friend are bipolar" "Like hell!" "Will you knock it off n make sure this room is ready by the time Urahara gets here tonight!" Thing was every time Hichigo paid his crush a visit he left behind some of his hollowness, n no one even knew this. Of course no one knew that a hollow could live outside its human host which Hichigo proved that wrong to all 3 worlds: The Soul Society, the world of the living n Hueco Mundo.
I suggest working on not making so many run on sentence. And paragraphs would make it easier to read.
The Oc is...in my opinion rather Mary-Suish so far. Being as she's related to Kisuke - whom left the Soul Society one hundred years before; how could they be related without her directly being from the Soul Society?
There's also the matter of using bi-polar disorder to balance out the Oc. This would be known as a Gimp Sue - using an aliment as an excuse for a 'flaw'.
That and Hichigo is slightly out of character. While he is sadistic and would treat any person with little respect and probably pick at them mercilessly; he is not the type to blush. And Ichigo would not be communing with him in a calm manner either; especially taking notice to this 'blush' that 'inspired a smirk'. He doesn't care for his Hollow - views him as a monster.
Ok. My OC was born in the Soul Society, but her mother thought it was better for her to live in the human world with her father. My Oc's mother is his sister that is how she is related to him my oc is not bipolar.
Hichigo is stating that Ichigo is bipolar What's wrong with my oc having flaws everyone has them no one is perfect Not to be rude, but this isn't based on the Bleach story line just the characters that's why they call it a fanfic at least that's I thought anyways.
As I said in the writer's comments this is my first Bleach fanfic so its just a rough draft for the most part.
It doesn't work like that. The Soul Society does have rules and for a spirit to live within the human world once again is not an easy task. Added to the fact that we do not know if Kisuke has an actual family.
I never said flaws were the the problem. I'm saying that you're character is not portraying balanced flaws.
Even for your 'first story', that should not be an excuse. You should look into writing itself and work on where you lack. I highly suggest instead of becoming offended, you listen to advice and try to better your writing.
Um thing is her lover is a human. That's true Again my oc is not bipolar I'm not offended by what you said I have read plenty of fanfics about Hichigo getting along with his host one b/c he was in love him, or for the simple fact the hollow had a human crush. I wanted to write a fanfic where the hollow had devloped feelings for a friend of Ichigo's I see no fault in that. The Hollow has a right to have a life to ya know? n again I am not offended
No, that's not how it works. A person from the Soul Society can't just up and marry or have a relationship with a human or otherwise because they can. Because the have established rules.
I didn't say your Oc was bipolar again. I said she doesn't have any set flaws nor a personality or anything that balances here traits out.
Just because you read fan fiction about Hichigo doesn't mean you know his character. I've read fics on him too - more out of character they in character. He is a cold, sadistic man who does not falter under a pretty girls looks or blush because of it. He is Ichigo's instinct. He acts upon nothing but instinct.
And when Ichigo states clearly in the actual manga that HE BELIEVES HIS HOLLOW IS A MONSTER - that does mean something. You can't just twist canon because you want to.
And I have no idea what you're speaking of. I never said a 'hollow doesn't have a right to a life'. I've portrayed Hichigo as having a normal life. Dear lord, quick throwing words in my mouth please.
I said Ichigo believes his hollow to be a monster. He does - because his hollow has down things to him; even as far as keeping him from moving because Ichigo resisted allowing Hichigo to control his body. THAT is why Ichigo believe his hollow to be a monster.
You can't just state that you want a hollow to have a free life then turn around and say 'a hollow is a monster'. It's showing how weak of a defense you really have.
And I'm really starting to believe you know nothing about Bleach at all.
been such a long
time since I've done
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things I love. I've
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It was your
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yourself a birthday
snack, while you
year not dying by
Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More